I’ve been working at a fucking preschool for a year and 3 months now, have not called out sick once. I catch fucking Covid and my boss tells me to go to work because we have nobody else. I said no because we have grandparents who pick up kids. Today I finally returned (one day after she asked me to) and the boss handed me a fucking kind of pink slip. She calls it a warning but it says I’m on 30 days probation for insubordination. To top it off she went off on me for about 40 mins of what does it take to make me appreciate her the way she appreciates me? She’s given me a $200 bonus on Christmas, some pies and an orchid last year! Why no thank you note! She doesn’t need one but it’s really rude not to send one! Didn’t I motherfucking know!
I agreed with her and apologized, saying it wasn’t part of my customs but she’s right it’s a good custom to have. She also said it was rude to not greet everyone by name. I can’t arrive and just say hello to everyone. I apologized it took me this long to understand and said I’ll learn to do better. I’m just sick of being talked down to and every time she wants to have a conversation I start shaking in fear because I’m scared of her (she doesn’t hit or anything but I don’t like getting talked down to and getting into a conversation where it’s not a discussion but an accusation).
I’m a motherfucking snowflake. IF YOU’RE GONNA GIVE SOMEONE SOMETHING DON’T EXPECT SOMETHING FROM THEM. DON’T GIVE ME ANYTHING IF YOU’RE GONNA YELL AT ME FOR BEING UNGRATEFUL AND SAYING THIS IS A ONE WAY STREET! I AM GRATEFUL AND I DO APPRECIATE YOU BUT I’M FUCKING SCARED. YOU FOCUS ON ME AND WHAT I’M NOT DOING RIGHT SO MUCH AND CHANGE THE POLICIES SO MUCH THAT IDK. I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING TALK TO YOU BECAUSE YOU VENTED TO ME IN A WAY WHERE I WAS LIKE THE RAPIST, I WAS IN THE WRONG AND HAD NO EXCUSE, DIDN’T EVEN GET A FUCKING WORD IN.
Why? Didn’t I clean enough to your standards? I made sure to clean whatever you asked for right away after getting yelled at for that last time… I just want to be left alone. I’ll get the job done but just please leave me alone. I want to quit but I need the stable part time job… Don’t throw the two weeks paid time off in my face if you’re not going to give me sick days and it took me a year to obtain those.
I don’t even fucking know anymore. I FELT SAFER WITH HER DAUGHTER IN THE ROOM THAN THE LAST FRECKIN TIME SHE YELLED AT ME AND WE WERE ALONE TOGETHER. I hate the way she treats me sometimes and feel like she’s an abuser just throwing shit in your face and insulting and then giving a small praise. You work so hard for your job and everyday you’re working but man when you throw everything in my face, you’re not that lady I admire anymore, you’re that lady who yells at me. Just don’t seek my approval or anything. I’m scared. I’m tired.