Latest rants

You’re not my fucking boss

Location: Glasgow Central
Job: Hotel worker

I have been in my job for 19 years. This new guy comes along and suddenly, even though he has the same position as me, he thinks he is in charge of me…Spike do this, Spike go do the room service, do this, do that. Well, let me tell you something little man, you ain’t nothing but a coward always grassing on people because you think it going to get you somewhere. Well it’s not…you take sickies at the drop of a hat while everyone else has to cover your fucking shift cos you can’t be arsed getting out of bed. You’re in for a shock tonight my friend trust me on that one…assuming you come in that is.

And as a side note: Boss, why don’t you grow a pair of balls and get rid of the jumped up spotty faced little cunt? Nobody fucking likes him anyway. A man aged 31 and he still stays with his mummy and daddy. REALLY. Next time you tell me to do something you’re gonna get a smack in the face you fucking prick.


Record breaker idiot

Location: UK
Job: Service Engineer

So 30 years I’ve done this job and in all of my 30 years I’ve never come across such a fucking thicko as this before. How can an adult believe that their oven is at fault because it is stinking of oil? It’s a fucking oven you idiot not a cunting HGV! Try cleaning it you filthy whore instead of wasting my fucking time trying to convince you electric ovens don’t have an engine full of Castrol GTX. It does however have a thick layer of grease coating every panel, nearly as thick as you.


Thank god there is a god!

Location: USA
Job: Genie

My manager has let me go overnights to get away from this asshole. Thank god. I was so miserable working at this place. Thank god I am getting away and I am keeping my job. Thank god I don’t have to deal with him anymore. I hope there is justice in the world if anyone else comes in my place and he becomes an asshole. I do hope someone has the courage to can this mother fucker. If there’s any justice let this man get canned as a lesson.


Dont mess with my pots bitch

Location: Scotland
Job: Pot wash

I work in the bowels of the hotel trade with a great bunch of people until she arrived, it, the skinny bitch. Some context Skinny Bitch (SB) arrived on a trainee management course. This means she knows everything. The first day of its arrival she sat in the kitchen with her predecessor, ignored us and continued to talk about herself on and on and on…get the picture? She talks to me like I am shite, like I have no intelligence or have any contribution to make other than washing pots. She finds the weirdest things to have a go at me about including her latest project which is to stop us from banging stuff on the edges of the sink to reduce kitchen noise. If she kept her cake hole shut the noise would be significantly reduced. Anyhow, one day she was going on about her wonderful tutor – she was her top student blah blah blah – and her tutor had invited her and a few star pupils round for tea with the tutor’s partner who is a famous chef blah blah, she was a chosen one blah blah. What SB does not yet know is my partner is her tutor, we are in a civil marriage and I will be cooking……


If you don’t like the NHS find an alternative

Job: Slave, social worker, parent, marriage guidance, police officer

OK so I have to listen to you whining on about why you have some minor illness that you Googled and now think you have MS, cancer or some other hideous disease. You demand this scan, a blood test, a specialist. You are of the generation that gets what they want when they want and when you are told no you become a total arse hole to the doctors caring for you: “I pay your wages,” “In my country,” “I want a second opinion.” You are the same group of patients that turn up to A&E with a six-week history of knee pain: “I want a scan,” “I want a cure in the next hour.” Go and spend time on a cancer ward. Go and have a conversation with someone who has progressive MS. There is fuck all wrong with you except you don’t have a clue about anyone else except your self.


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