It is a secret
You are the archetypal pack rat. You follow the boss around like a pathetic shadow desperate to report your observations. Anything that is said to you is reported back quick smart, if the boss is out then you’ll text. What a total sycophant you are!
We all loathe you! You swan around like you are the boss but don’t know there are memes about you that are made and shared to the mutual amusement of the majority of staff.
You tell us that you get interviews for promoted posts in other workplaces but then change your mind about going for it. Why? Fear of failure or the knowledge that you will be a little fish in a big pond?
You tease us with the prospect of you fucking off but then pull the figurative rug from under our feet when you change your mind. This brings me to the conclusion that you tell us about these interviews to project your ego and smug air of superiority over us.
Well guess what? We are both paid the same and parallel of the organisational chart.
We laugh at you, you are hated! Do us all a favour and piss off into obscurity!
Thanks for this opportunity to rant, it is really cathartic.