Muppet Head is a wank stain!


I hate Muppet Head, he is annoying and as useful as a wank stain! Seriously, he’s worked here for over 9 years and has little to no product knowledge whatsoever, he gives out vendor and importing details to customers and can’t retain information about products, giving out completely different details than everyone else then saying he can’t recall doing that to the customer and boss when questioned. He will all of a sudden have “memory issues” (as he grabs his bulbous, balding with a ponytail head and squints his eyes as if he is really struggling with his own mind) go along with his “self diagnosed insomnia”

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. He waits till customers come in and then he starts this slow stretching and sighing routine at the counter as if he is in immense pain, Stretching his back, arms, pulling on his fingers, sighing like a bitch….he does this as he requires attention from customers….he seems to think customer service should be all about him…he LOVES it when customers ask…and he blames the warehouse for “his pain” like actually talks down the shop (he has never been diagnosed from a doctor, he went and saw an acupuncturist one time and even that guy refused to blame it on his work as Muppet Head wanted the boss to pay for his acupuncture visits).

He only works 3 days a week and seeing as the boss isn’t on for 2 of those it’s more like 1 day where he walks around licking the boss’s arsehole wanting pats and praise for being a good boy! And on this 1 day where he is actually half useful his memory suddenly has no issues and recalls all the “sales he didn’t put through but assisted other staff with because it was so busy ” (even though after 9 years he is the lowest paid sales staff but he still refers to himself as the manager to appease his ego when not even the boss does) rattling off fake customer details and even recalling them by full names.

He has had years of being right up the boss’s arse and all other staff are baffled as to why the boss trusts him so much when he literally descents the business by being rude to customers, sleeping and arm lifting a chair at the counter, showing up late, giving misinformation, pointing with his long creepy nails in the direction of a requested item instead of showing the customer and referring customers to the store website for measurements instead of getting off his lazy arse to measure the item…..however none of this is shown in front of the boss, when the boss is on he will run around acting stressed as if he’s really working up a storm and spend as much time as he can with customers referring to catalogues and giving his opinion on products…..the boss thinks that we just don’t like him because he’s a bit of a loser and tells us to ignore him (late 30’s, lives in a shipping container out the back of his parents house, couldn’t keep a green card bride because he refused to marry her and wonders why she won’t return his calls now she’s back overseas, thinks he’s a computer genius and “was the best his teacher had ever seen in any of his classes” for editing, even though he never got a certificate for finishing and cannot contact anyone to get this certificate, even this ever ego praising teacher whose name he cant remember but is unaware of things like coding, RAM, terabytes etc, but when confronted about his lies and delusions he mutters and walks off then Googles what you said and hours later will restart up that conversation giving off smug smirks as if he’s smelling his own farts and you can’t see through his deception – I swear he must Google everything in his life like how to take a shit).

I know I’ve ranted on like a mad person but Muppet Head’s very existence irritates me. His self entitlement when he contributes little to nothing yet expects to receive everything from life just for being him. The grotesque way he flirts with female customers and talks about how he has to keep his scraggly, soap washed hair long to “ward off all the bitches” even though we all know it’s to cover his dirty bald spot he attempts to comb over but it’s sooo big he can’t.

When he leans in and sighs in your ear and/or tries to whisper something to you in front of customers or staff and you’ve asked him several times not to do that (I have completely stopped any sort of friendly work banter with him as he takes it as an invitation to get into your personal space and will follow you around posing and creating stories about you portraying as if you have some sort of out of work friendship even though you are currently pregnant to your boyfriend of 3 years). YUCK! The way he praises his own arse! And sticks it out whenever and wherever he can trying to block you and customers with it then giving a smug dirty smile looking back at his own arse then at you/customer with a dirty look in his eyes when neither you nor the customer have shown any interest because he looks like a creepy clown paedophile. He even will stand out bent over the counter with his back to customers too if there are young females in the store….like almost bent in half with his head on his hand starring at nothing…all just to stick his arse out!

I could write a book on why Muppet Head is just a horrible, unaccountable, inconsiderate, passive aggressive, covert narcissistic little boy pushing 40 but I think writing this vent has helped enough. Thank you Workrant, I have restrained from smashing his muppet head into the counter as he taps his creepy long nails and sighs like a bitch.

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