Ok so you screwed up. In my time we put our hands up, took the bollocking on the chin, apologised, and never did it again. Snowflakes oh bless them, they need hugs, retraining, hugs more hugs and then they run to HR complaining of bullying and harassment. Then they go off sick, then they return from sick with a doctors letter and support from fucking HR and occupational health saying they need to work 2 hours a day for 1 month gradually building up to 4 hours etc etc.
What is worse is that I have to meet with them before the 2 hours is up telling them how fucking wonderful they are, and how they have achieved so much in the last 1 hour and 40 minutes. This is after I have been asked to go to mediation, attend seminars and stop telling the snowflakes off. Apparently we are not allowed to tell them off just give a shit sandwich feedback concentrating on the positives.
OK so you… snowflake did failed to check the department for a missing person who was found hypothermic by the bins, then you failed to document and escalate this until we needed the poor sods bed and realised he was gone. It was me who spoke to his family, me that had to meet with his family and me who is now dealing with the legal issues of this cock up. But its you who is lounging around at home on your 2 hours a day and I cant proceed with any form of disciplinary action because of your new mental health problems brought on by the stress of the thought of having to work with me.
Well little miss snowflake you don’t know it yet but I have a new job, so you won’t have to work with me any more, and the last laugh is on me because I got a promotion I will be your new manager’s manager. Did I mention that your new manager is your bestie on the unit????? Did I mention that from tomorrow your bestie is going to be given instruction by HR to manage your performance? Did your bestie tell you that we asked in interview “Tell us how you would performance manage a colleague you are currently working with” and they aced the answer?
So goodbye and good luck! P.S. Enjoy the complimentary refreshments in HR you will be in there quite a bit.