I really really want to quit my job as a therapist. I work in an agency and see 8-10 clients every day, hour after hour. I really want to encourage people to not spend 180 thousand on a career such as this because you have a particular “passion.” It is a ridiculous amount of money for the amount of work I do. I have to write detailed notes; pages of assessments; treatment plans; be involved with doctors, social workers, etc; and document everything that I do. I’m sure that many people can handle this type of workload as my colleagues appear calm, cool and collected. I really think that I made a mistake. I wanted to be a counselor, because I care about people, am sensitive, am thoughtful about life and have other passions such as religion and philosophy which I thought might bring a creative and useful experience to other’s lives. However, I literally cannot keep up with the paper workload and I only receive criticism from supervisors. No one can see that I am good at my job. All they see is my stressed demeanor and my inability to turn in paperwork on time.
I am ashamed that I cannot perform the way that I would like. However, despite my husband wanting me to work harder in the evenings to finish the work, I DO NOT WANT TO WORK ANY HARDER. I need a break. I need some compassion. I do not want to live my life this way. I eat fast food almost every day, because I do not have time to cook and clean at home. I spend my entire weekends doing paperwork. I always hated school. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia and I thought that I could push through school. I saw it as an accomplishment to push through, but now I see it as completely foolish that I spent all that time and money on an activity that I despise. It is my worst nightmare writing my life away on notes.
I am so ashamed and cannot think of another job that I could do. It’s hard to imagine working behind a counter after I’ve had this much responsibility put on me by helping people and being a life coach basically. I’m not sure how I’d find something else that makes as much money. OH and I’m pregnant too, BTW. No one obviously cares that I am nauseous every day, tired and hormonal. Days off are really not an option, especially considering my poor performance. Anyone have any ideas? Or can I have a prayer please?