I need advice. Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it. I don’t know how to get out of this situation? I’m writing this post because basically I’m lost. I don’t know what to do? I invited my boss’s sister to join my all-female group with a specific focus. My boss is always complaining that her sister is socially awkward and lost in life so I decided to invite her to join my group. I’ve worked there for the past two years but my boss doesn’t like me. She seems very uninterested and unimpressed with me. I should also admit I’m scared of her. She basically ignores me in the office and our offices face each other.
Twice a week after work I facilitate this all-female group with a specific focus. This is not happening at my workplace. For the past 14 months since September 2016 twice a week after work I facilitate my group that focuses on developing self-awareness, self-confidence and self-efficacy for women to improve their professional and personal lives. The other nine women in my group members are not my coworkers. The meetings are held at the community center.
My extreme drive to please (at all costs) has put me into this precarious situation. I think that my boss has somehow set me up? My boss is a very successful local business woman. She has built her company from scratch. Her sister doesn’t go to work. She has social anxiety issues. She is a 53-year-old, short like 5ft2 tall, skinny, masculine, freckled face, creepy green eyes, thin lips, red-haired woman. I am a 39-year-old, 5ft10 tall, heterosexual, curvy, hourglass-shaped attractive brunette. I like dressing well and looking presentable. I don’t dress sl*tty at all. My boobs are 32f bra size though and I do have a big butt. My hourglass shape is unique and I am tall and I appreciate that.
If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot. I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I prefer wearing satin pants and a little shorter satin skirts, always above knees, sometimes even quite much, but not any miniskirts anyway. I am always on high heels and full make up on. I am always in tight form-fitting satin and silk clothes. I am a stylish person. I usually stay away from anything too revealing.
I am describing myself because I want you to know the complexity of the situation. This woman, my boss’s sister, started touching me on her first day at the group. She said that she likes to caress satin fabric and that silk and satin is so smooth to the touch when rubbing. She said that she just can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric. She started rubbing my back, touching my hair, wrap her hands around my waist tight from behind and hugging me (for no reason) while I am busy at various tasks. At one point she asked if she could touch my breasts. I was like, No! Then I said, alright. Then I get a hand extended so I’m like okay here it goes… and she was not shy about just full palm feeling all around and getting a real grab! I think she was a little shy to ask and was surprised when I agreed. LOL! It was no big deal for me. She commented on how soft they feel.
Since then this woman my boss’s sister who I am not close with is OBSESSED with my boobs so much that every time she sees me.. she just cups and squeeze them over.. and over.. and over. It’s actually REALLY annoying. For the past two months she has touched my boobs quite a lot. Also she is constantly patting and rubbing my ass. She also always places her hand on my ass when I stand beside her. How can I discourage this woman my boss’s sister from touching me/groping me/hugging me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her? I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just “man up”, but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person. Any time I’m even within arm’s reach of her, I feel her caressing me.
As far as having intimacy with a woman? That’s just something that I haven’t done and will probably not do so. I’m a straight woman, never got turned on by women. Usually when this short, skinny, ugly, ginger-geek woman who shouldn’t be touching me try to… I just kinda… let her do the touching, rubbing and hugging, but I basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly. She isn’t a horrible woman she is really very pleasant but something about her and her need to hug or touch me makes me very uncomfortable. I decided to try tolerating it, since this woman is my boss’s sister.
It is all my fault. I am physically stronger than her. I am 5ft10 tall, well built, well endowed, and curvy. She is like 5ft2 tall, skinny. I am always on high heels, she is always in flat shoes. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. Now I don’t want her to feel badly – but I want this behaviour to stop. What can I say to her, or what can I do so this’ll stop? I really don’t want to offend her because of my boss. My boss is very protective of her sister. If I report her sister to the police she is going to fire me. I really need this job. I am divorced since November 2013.
I have an 11-year-old daughter. I was married for 8 years. I really need this salary. I’ve worked here since December 2015. I don’t know what to do? I don’t know what to do anymore? I don’t know how to handle the situation. This woman, my boss’s sister, basically has no friends at all. She doesn’t understand what kinds of things aren’t really okay to do/say in social situations. She thinks that nobody likes her. She never wants to leave the house or socialise with others too long, and has struggled to find enjoyment in anything or have anything ‘to look forward to’. My boss is saying that I am an amazing support to her sister. She is saying that her sister has been suffering from anxiety and depression for a number of years now. My boss thinks that her sister is too socially awkward and she wants her sister at the very least to be able to socialize when she has to.
You are totally right I let it go too far. I am now not sure what to do at this particular point. I am not sure what I should do. Why would I scream my head off if a man did it but I can’t verbalize a succinct “NO” to this short, skinny, mature woman. The other nine women in my group already think that I am ok with it. This woman, my boss’s sister, always has her hands on me during the group meetings. My breasts have been grabbed numerous times in jest by her in front of other group members. Also, she always places her hand on my ass when I stand beside her in front of them. My boss is very satisfied that her sister is coming to my group meetings and she is very grateful to me.
I really don’t know what to do? There is nothing more I can do
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. Either I take it the way it is, or I just tell her to stop, which of course involves the risk that it messes up everything. And probably it will not matter what I say. She seems harmless to me because I am physically stronger than her. I am 5ft10 tall, well built, well endowed, and curvy. She is like 5ft2 tall skinny. Also, she doesn’t look threatening. She is creepy and ugly but she is a tiny, short, skinny, mature woman. How do I tell her off without causing tension? She is extremely touchy feely with me. She does have “power” over me. She can muck things up for me with her sister my boss. I don’t know her very well and don’t want to push any sensitive buttons. I’ve got to be careful and handle this gracefully.