I need advice. I don’t know how to handle this situation!


I need advice. Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it. I don’t know how to get out of this situation? I’m writing this post because basically I’m lost. I don’t know what to do? I invited my boss’s sister to join my all-female group with a specific focus. My boss is always complaining that her sister is socially awkward and lost in life so I decided to invite her to join my group. I’ve worked there for the past two years but my boss doesn’t like me. She seems very uninterested and unimpressed with me. I should also admit I’m scared of her. She basically ignores me in the office and our offices face each other.

Twice a week after work I facilitate this all-female group with a specific focus. This is not happening at my workplace. For the past 14 months since September 2016 twice a week after work I facilitate my group that focuses on developing self-awareness, self-confidence and self-efficacy for women to improve their professional and personal lives. The other nine women in my group members are not my coworkers. The meetings are held at the community center.

My extreme drive to please (at all costs) has put me into this precarious situation. I think that my boss has somehow set me up? My boss is a very successful local business woman. She has built her company from scratch. Her sister doesn’t go to work. She has social anxiety issues. She is a 53-year-old, short like 5ft2 tall, skinny, masculine, freckled face, creepy green eyes, thin lips, red-haired woman. I am a 39-year-old, 5ft10 tall, heterosexual, curvy, hourglass-shaped attractive brunette. I like dressing well and looking presentable. I don’t dress sl*tty at all. My boobs are 32f bra size though and I do have a big butt. My hourglass shape is unique and I am tall and I appreciate that.

If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot. I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I prefer wearing satin pants and a little shorter satin skirts, always above knees, sometimes even quite much, but not any miniskirts anyway. I am always on high heels and full make up on. I am always in tight form-fitting satin and silk clothes. I am a stylish person. I usually stay away from anything too revealing.

I am describing myself because I want you to know the complexity of the situation. This woman, my boss’s sister, started touching me on her first day at the group. She said that she likes to caress satin fabric and that silk and satin is so smooth to the touch when rubbing. She said that she just can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric. She started rubbing my back, touching my hair, wrap her hands around my waist tight from behind and hugging me (for no reason) while I am busy at various tasks. At one point she asked if she could touch my breasts. I was like, No! Then I said, alright. Then I get a hand extended so I’m like okay here it goes… and she was not shy about just full palm feeling all around and getting a real grab! I think she was a little shy to ask and was surprised when I agreed. LOL! It was no big deal for me. She commented on how soft they feel.

Since then this woman my boss’s sister who I am not close with is OBSESSED with my boobs so much that every time she sees me.. she just cups and squeeze them over.. and over.. and over.  It’s actually REALLY annoying. For the past two months she has touched my boobs quite a lot. Also she is constantly patting and rubbing my ass. She also always places her hand on my ass when I stand beside her. How can I discourage this woman my boss’s sister from touching me/groping me/hugging me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her? I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just “man up”, but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person. Any time I’m even within arm’s reach of her, I feel her caressing me.

As far as having intimacy with a woman? That’s just something that I haven’t done and will probably not do so. I’m a straight woman, never got turned on by women. Usually when this short, skinny, ugly, ginger-geek woman who shouldn’t be touching me try to… I just kinda… let her do the touching, rubbing and hugging, but I basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly. She isn’t a horrible woman she is really very pleasant but something about her and her need to hug or touch me makes me very uncomfortable. I decided to try tolerating it, since this woman is my boss’s sister.

It is all my fault. I am physically stronger than her. I am 5ft10 tall, well built, well endowed, and curvy. She is like 5ft2 tall, skinny. I am always on high heels, she is always in flat shoes. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. Now I don’t want her to feel badly – but I want this behaviour to stop. What can I say to her, or what can I do so this’ll stop? I really don’t want to offend her because of my boss. My boss is very protective of her sister. If I report her sister to the police she is going to fire me. I really need this job. I am divorced since November 2013.

I have an 11-year-old daughter. I was married for 8 years. I really need this salary. I’ve worked here since December 2015. I don’t know what to do? I don’t know what to do anymore? I don’t know how to handle the situation. This woman, my boss’s sister, basically has no friends at all. She doesn’t understand what kinds of things aren’t really okay to do/say in social situations. She thinks that nobody likes her. She never wants to leave the house or socialise with others too long, and has struggled to find enjoyment in anything or have anything ‘to look forward to’. My boss is saying that I am an amazing support to her sister. She is saying that her sister has been suffering from anxiety and depression for a number of years now. My boss thinks that her sister is too socially awkward and she wants her sister at the very least to be able to socialize when she has to.

You are totally right I let it go too far. I am now not sure what to do at this particular point. I am not sure what I should do. Why would I scream my head off if a man did it but I can’t verbalize a succinct “NO” to this short, skinny, mature woman. The other nine women in my group already think that I am ok with it. This woman, my boss’s sister, always has her hands on me during the group meetings. My breasts have been grabbed numerous times in jest by her in front of other group members. Also, she always places her hand on my ass when I stand beside her in front of them. My boss is very satisfied that her sister is coming to my group meetings and she is very grateful to me.

I really don’t know what to do? There is nothing more I can do

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. Either I take it the way it is, or I just tell her to stop, which of course involves the risk that it messes up everything. And probably it will not matter what I say. She seems harmless to me because I am physically stronger than her. I am 5ft10 tall, well built, well endowed, and curvy. She is like 5ft2 tall skinny. Also, she doesn’t look threatening. She is creepy and ugly but she is a tiny, short, skinny, mature woman. How do I tell her off without causing tension? She is extremely touchy feely with me. She does have “power” over me. She can muck things up for me with her sister my boss. I don’t know her very well and don’t want to push any sensitive buttons. I’ve got to be careful and handle this gracefully.

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7 Comments

  1. OMG! Are you out of your mind? You allowed this behavior to begin and proceed as if it was OK. You standing stiff as a board is not a sign of unwillingness or disgust, it is submissive behavior ie: something she understands!

    FIRST, tell this woman that you would like to have lunch with her (NOT DINNER!) and let her know that you enjoy her friendship and the fact that she attends the meetings. But let her know that you are uncomfortable with the touching. <- PERIOD! Let her know that you understand that you said yes once, but that you never intended it to go any further. Say these things gently and quietly and as kindly as possible. Compliment her on her progress or her work or whatever you can find to compliment her on but let her know that her friendship means so much to you but the touching is making you uncomfortable and you need it to stop immediately.
    SECOND: Tell your boss! You boss knows what kind of a person her sister is. Let her know that you are not comfortable with a situation that you agreed to because of circumstances and that you have taken the steps necessary to correct the behavior by taking her out to lunch and explaining it to her. This conversation will cover you if the sister gets pissed, so go to her immediately upon returning from the lunch and let her know the conversation and the response.
    THIRD: I get that you are making good money and you need this job, but this will no end unless you end it. NOTHING IS WORTH THIS!

    Good luck and God Bless!

    • This is getting worse. Why do I let this pervert woman, my boss’ sister, walk all over me? I am a 39-year-old woman. What is wrong with me? I am a weak, spineless person. Why would I scream my head off if a man did it but I can’t verbalize a succinct “NO” to this short skinny mature woman? I just don’t know how to go about it. I’m starting to think my boss is jealous and trying to push me out. Her sister is feeling up and squeezing my breasts on every occasion and commenting that they are squishy and big and soft. She keeps touching my breasts any time her hand is near them. Also, lately I’ve been getting a lot of slaps or ass rubs from this woman. She is CONSTANTLY slapping it! I cannot bend over in front of her at my group meetings without her slapping or grinding on my ass. Other women in my group think that I am okay with it. Also, she is always rubbing and massaging my shoulders and back at my group meetings. I just feel like such a failure. I feel like I am trapped in this situation and I don’t know how to change it. I just feel hopeless. Why do I let this woman walk all over me? I am physically stronger than her. I am 5ft10 tall, well built, well endowed, and curvy. She is like 5ft2 tall and skinny. I am always on high heels, she is always in flat shoes. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. This has been eating at me. I feel like a failure.

    • Should I feel ashamed of myself? I just found out today I got a promotion and a pretty nice 8% raise. So should I bring this situation with her sister up to my boss? If you guys are in the same situation, what would your mindset be? I don’t know what to do? At my group meetings my boss’s sister is constantly trying to touch my boobs. When she gives me hugs she tries to bury her head into them. She will just randomly grab them. If she needs comfort she will tell me “I gotta rub your boobs”. It’s so annoying. I try not to make a fuss over it. Okay, so at first I thought it was just a little phase she was going through and could laugh about it. Now, I’m becoming so frustrated with her. She is CONSTANTLY wanting to touch my breasts. If I just stand there, she would stay there for a long time just feeling them and squishing them or whatever. Also she will just full on grab my butt. It is super annoying. I’m just standing there, and she’ll walk by me and take a swipe at my butt. When I bend down within ten yards of her, she’s right there, smacking or rubbing my butt. This short skinny woman is always commenting that I am so tall, big and soft. She tells me often that she likes that I am always dressed up in satin and silk and that she likes touching my clothes. I feel deeply ashamed of myself. I don’t know what to do. I feel like such a bad person.

    • My boss is suddenly really nice to me. In the past whenever she had a question she always called me to her office, now she always visits me at my desk. She has been praising me non-stop lately. The other day during a meeting she even declared that I was the company’s heroine. What is going on here? I know other women in my group probably laugh at me behind my back because of this situation with my boss’s sister. One woman said to me that I make stupid faces while my boss’s sister is groping me and touching me. She also said that it is bizarre that standing next to my boss’s sister I look like a giant and I let her get by with it. I just laughed and replied to this woman that we just have a weird bond like that. I am towering over other women in my group. I am considered by women in my group to be extremely fashionable, elegant, glamorous, and classy. People always ask me why I’m so dressed up. I always like to dress my best, because I also feel great when I’m dressed pretty. Once, I’d been to the hairdressers and was off to do a little shopping afterwards and the girl at the salon asked where I was going looking so glamorous. I said I was going shopping and she was like, “Really? You look so glammed up to be going shopping!” I don’t mind though, I’d rather be wearing something I feel good in than look like I just rolled out of bed. I wear high heels every day too. All the time. Men think I’m super sexy and glamorous. My boss’s sister is saying to me that because her face is at level with my breasts and I am rather large she finds touching, squeezing, rubbing, and patting them and resting her head on them comforting. She said that she finds great comfort doing this when she’s stressed. It is all my fault. She thinks that my breasts are a readily-available source of comfort for her. Also I think she is always grabbing, slapping and rubbing my ass to show dominance over me. It is so annoying. Me being spineless is due to my intense fear of conflict with this woman. I just automatically want to do everything possible to keep conflict down with her and I always sacrifice my dignity for it. I tell myself that next time I will say NO to her. Always next time but next time never comes. I just continue being a weak spineless person. Am I a bad person?

  2. Haha, I like how you keep referring to her as short and ugly but you let her touch you as if you were into that sort of thing. Listen, you’re going to have to let her know straight up that it is not cool anymore. Also, if your boss fires you for that that just sue the company. Good luck.

  3. Ok Stella, this is a complicated issue. Obviously this woman is lesbian and wants to have sex with you, probably because you are good looking and well dressed. You have tried to help your bosses sister with the intention of also breaking the ice with your boss to improve relations but you haven’t made it clear for the outset and let it continue, it doesn’t seem you are completely repulsed by this woman touching you just maybe a bit awkward. It would have been easier if this was a guy because you can tell him to stop. Would it have made a difference if it was a good looking woman?

    It has also made it difficult because you have allowed to continue in the group meetings and so if you boss asks them she might even think you have been OK with it. Are these group meeting are an actual part of your job function? Can you start cancelling them and just make excuses? That would be the simplest solution and you have removed your self from that situation and unless she comes to your work then there is no reason to see her again.

  4. STELLA! GROW SOME PLEASE! I am beginning to think you internally like this but outwardly disgusted because she is short. She is dominating you. Either you find another job, or you get the one you have straight NOW. Say something, do something or accept it. You have a voice, use it. If you lose your job, be prepared to step into another one. Please write back and tell us that this is not continuing or at least what the current situation is.

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