Fuckwit Guide

Note to Arsewipes the world over When calling out an engineer to one your poxy appliances please use this as a reference book

1) Unless the engineer turns up in a van the same length as the fucking Nile he ain’t going have every fucking part for every fucking model of every fucking appliance in it, just accept that as a fact fuckwit

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2) the reason he didn’t arrive in the morning is that believe it or not the poor cunt has more than one job a day to do. And due to the fact he doesn’t travel about on a flying fucking carpet like Ali Fucking Baba, nor possesses a magic fucking wand to wave at your fucked washing machine he might not actually arrive til the afterfuckingnoon.

3) The reason he looks like he doesn’t give a fuck is guess what, yeah he doesn’t actually give a fuck! After years of listening to fuckwits complaining about shit not worth complaining about he has now reached the point he has the power to fix your appliance or not. Sorry madam I’ll need to order the part for your D/W and you’ll have to spend the next fortnight alongside your ugly fat bastarding kids washing your oversized plates even though I’ve got shitloads of that part in my van. I am God.

4) Since you think your so fucking special and more important than every other customer why not cut out a square piece from a cereal box, write VIP on it and pop in into a clear packet. Attach a ribbon to it so you can wear it round your neck like the people backstage at concerts. Wait for me to arrive and then I can treat you like the absolute cunt that you are.

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